Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"The Very Best in Robot Sex"

At the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas this past weekend, the many guests (most of whom, I would wager, would not be welcome in our home) were introduced to Roxxxy, a full-size, lingerie-clad and anatomically correct robotic “girlfriend” with a connected laptop that enables “her” to respond to simple conversation through an internal speaker.

For a mere seven to nine grand, Roxxxy's creators promise the “best in robot sex”—which, for some men, is exactly what they claim to be experiencing in their marriages today (albeit at a much greater long-term cost).

The key difference, if I understand correctly, is that Roxxxy is "Always Turned On and Ready to Talk or Play," which no men I know have ever claimed (well, maybe the "talk" part, but few brag about that.)

Roxxxy’s greatest promise is that she responds to your conversation according to how you program her. So, if you're an idiot, and you want a robot-with-a-vagina to say things like, "I like to hold hands," Roxxxy's your rubber gal. Or, if you're anti-idiot, and you want to talk about sex or sports, the doll will not only respond to your comments, but will also let you know how horny she gets when you dissect every play in the hockey game.

I have yet to say to Patty, "Wow, did you see how he deked out that goalie?", only to have her respond, "Really? Take me... NOW!" I keep hoping.

Don't get me wrong. I like to hold hands, I like to hear about my wife's day (no, I'm not lying), and I have zero complaints about anything that goes on in the boudoir. So the idea of bumping uglies with a robot seems a little impersonal and more than a little desperate. It could also be potentially embarrassing were the kids and their friends to walk in while Dad's going to town on a moaning rubber slab. And I think it's downright creepy that you can "swap" the personality of your Roxxxy with other guy-friends online. I guess I'm conservative.

And yet there's something quite compelling in the idea of being able to say, “Who cares if the dishes are piling up?” or “Wow, it sounds like you’re PMSing” without receiving a less-than-sexy response (say, a paring knife in the face.) Just once, I'd like to offer, "Hey, there's two minutes 'til my show comes back on...you wanna?"and hear back, “That gets me so hot!” I'm just not sure the thrill's worth four mortgage payments.

Next up for Roxxxy's creators: Rocky, the male robot. I couldn't find details, but I'm guessing one option will be to buy it without a penis—since, for women, it might be a refreshing change to actually speak and be listened to without the expectation the conversation will lead to sex. Just guessing...



  1. Oh my gosh, this is funny! In a creepy sort of way. I do like your take on it. The "moaning rubber slab" comment just made me shriek!

  2. I remember seeing this on Real Sex on HBO. Those things are creepy as hell. The men paying that kind of cash for a doll they can screw were even more creepy.


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