Escaping the Cult of Celebrity

How would we ever get through our workaday existences were it not for the sage celebrities who help us understand the more subtle nuances of a life lived well?

This morning, I learned that ousted Miss California USA competitor Carrie Prejean feels there’s nothing wrong with Christians opting to enhance their bust size, because she “doesn’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants.” No, really? In a book that predated plastic surgery by centuries—not a single mention?

I think there may be a passage here and there that Ms. Prejean could take to be an endorsement. What about that “cup runneth over” bit? Or, "I am a wall, and my breasts like towers"?

Of course, that’s silly. If people let me and Carrie bend the meaning of the words in the Bible to suit our own selfish whims, what’s next? Will people feel free to express backward views about gay marriage?

Still, even though I’m no fan of Ms. Prejean’s synthetic bosom, I do like her thinking.

"Sorry, officer. I do realize that I knocked back a whole bottle of Jagrmeister while driving this evening, and that you may think it unwise to be going 120 miles an hour through a residential street. And yes, you’re right: I am completely naked. But let me ask you this: if you check your Bible, am I really in the wrong?”

Without Hailey Glassman’s comments about Jon Gosselin’s supposed “Jekyll and Hyde” personality, I’d never have known that when I was screaming, “You stupid, stubborn cow-bitch” at my clogged kitchen sink during two hours of fruitless plunging yesterday, I may just have been having a “mantrum,” instead of being an insufferable prick with no handyman skills. This makes me feel a little bad about all the names I’ve called women over the years when they were PMSing—which the new, more sensitive me will now refer to as “womanic-depressive episodes” (albeit, from a safe distance).

Leighton Meester, of Gossip Girl fame, recently offered, “Guys who are unavailable are actually a dream come true for me because I’m unavailable all of the time. It’s great they’re not down your throat.” Great for you...not so…oh, skip it…that’s just too easy.

Why do we listen to celebrities? What gives them any sort of special insight into what it’s like to live in a world in which seven-figure paychecks are far from the norm? Are they better people? Better parents? I’m not so sure. Still, they speak and we listen. And maybe, just maybe, they’re sometimes right.

Consider the words of the great American role model Sarah Palin: “Show me where the open door is, even if it’s cracked open a little bit, maybe I’ll plow right on through that and maybe prematurely plow through it.”

I agree, Sarah. In fact, I could not agree more.