Pure gold

The San Francisco Chronicle recently reported the case of a Houston-area woman who, in what I presume was a matter more of revenge than hunger, fried the estranged couple's seven goldfish. She ate three. Police arrived just as the woman was about to tuck into the fourth fillet.

I just love picturing the confrontation: "Police! Freeze! Drop the fork and lemon wedge; now, step away from the goldfish!" All this as a vibrant tail slowly disappears between her lips.

"Mwhatph Goldfith?"

I looked online for goldfish recipes and found nothing involving actual fish, just those crackers my children love and I abhor. I presume a simple Panko breading/egg wash combo, along with a simple tartar sauce (don't forget the capers) would work just fine. Or, just for irony, perhaps a dusting of Goldfish cracker crumbs? Sadly, the article offered nothing about preparation.

Honey, if things don't work out, let's try to talk things through. Please don't eat any of my stuff.