Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Life & Times of Jinx Misfortune (a.k.a. Me)


1. A person or thing that is believed to bring bad luck.
2. A condition or period of bad luck that appears to have been caused by a specific person or thing.
3. Me.

I am fast coming to the disturbing realization I am a living curse to any sports team I support. Let’s look at the evidence:


I love the White Sox with a passion. I read anything and everything about them, even during the frigid months of winter. I could wear White Sox clothing every day of the week without donning the same item twice. If my wife cried out, “Oh, Mark Buehrle!!!” during a round of slap-and-tickle, I’d beat my chest with pride. I own White Sox furniture, for God’s sake.

On the first day of the season, I paced through my home for hours before the first pitch, and forced Patty to endure about 300 text messages with every play of the game (and most of the opening ceremonies, through which I cried a little bit).

So far this season, the Sox own a 4-9 record, their worst in 13 years. I’m starting to think my beloved team may finish with a 4-158 record. Why? Probably me.


I’m a Toronto Maple Leafs fan. They haven’t made the playoffs in five years. For as long as I’ve been a fan, they’ve either sucked or mostly sucked. Even diehard fans refer to them as the “Laffs” or the “Make-Beliefs”. I sometimes refer to them as, simply, "Those motherf***ing, good-for-nothing, piece of s*** a**holes."  Aloud, I leave out the asterisks.

Before I was born, the Leafs won the Cup twelve times. Since then? Once—two months after I was born—when I was too busy refining my diaper-filling technique to care about hockey. With the Leafs out of things (again), I’ve started to root for the Blackhawks in the playoffs. Sorry, Chicago.


I cheer for the Chicago Bears. I did not cheer for them in 1985. Lucky them.


I didn’t really follow the Bulls this year, so they made the playoffs. I tuned in for a few minutes of the first two playoff games—and the Cavaliers are up two games to zip. Ta-daa!

I, like the teams I root for, suck. The only comfort I can take in my ongoing sports nightmare is that the Cubs—for whom I hold no special warmth—aren’t doing much better than the Sox. Now that I’ve said that, though, they’ll probably win the World Series, the only good aspect of which will be my ability to find better White Sox gear on sale at T.J. Maxx.

Life’s funny that way. Why am I not laughing?



  1. The season's still young! I think your Sox will pull though... they have PLENTY of time :)

  2. I'm right there with you.

    My hockey team last won the Cup the year before I was born.

    But, still, my first few words were "Mom," "Dad," and "Bobby Clarke."

    I'm hoping they'll pull off the improbable and go from 3 games down in a playoff matchup to win the series.

    And, good luck to your Leaf stand-in Blackhawks. They look really, really good this year. Hopefully good enough to knock out San Jose. I mean, really, do they even have ice there?


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